Will You Ever Know?
by MadiBird
Summary: This is the diary of Payson Turner, the female Marauder, in her fifth year at Hogwarts. Each chapter is a diary entry, so some will be on the short side and others will be longer. Rated T for language.
1. Chapter 1

Sept 1st

I'm so happy to be back in school. Do normal people say that? Cyndie, my Muggle cousin says she hates school. But then, I guess she's never been to a place like Hogwarts. I love it here. And I missed my boys like crazy over break. Especially Remus, of course… I think the next time Mum offers to bring me along to some amazing foreign country for the whole summer, I might just have to say no. I missed so much while I was gone.

For instance, last year James had MAJOR issues with my roommate, Lily Evans. But over the summer, he has apparently 'come to his senses' and has realized that he is madly and passionately in love with her.

WHERE THE BLOODY HELL DID THAT COME FROM?

Actually, I sort of suspected it…but it still sort of took me by surprise. Oh well. It's been four years, after all. If he took any longer to realize he had a thing for her, I think I might have had to curse him.

He still hates Snape though. Which is fine by me…I don't like him much either. Too sulky. It's like, really bud, get a hobby and stop moping around already! He loves Lily, too. That's why he's such a goth.

Why does Lily have all these blokes chasing after her and I don't? Really, what does she have that I don't have? Well, whatever it is…I wish she'd let me borrow it. Maybe then Remus would finally take his head out of his book long enough to notice me. He'll tell me all his secrets, he knows most of mine, we have fun together, we laugh, I'm closer to him than I am with any of the others, and yet…why doesn't he see it?

Lily suggested that maybe his hormones haven't kicked in yet…I doubt it though. His voice is a bit too…mannish…for them not to have kicked in. Perhaps he's gay…

Figures I'd be the one to fall in love with a gay man.

Anyways, despite all of this romance drama, I am still incredibly thrilled to be back at Hogwarts. Sirius says he already has plans for a new prank to play on his cousin Narcissa (she's a seventh-year, and a Slytherin, hahaha!). I can't wait!


	2. Chapter 2

Sept 7th

This week has been hectic. The first week back always is, I suppose. Professor Slughorn is still trying to get me into his "Slug Club." Lily's already a 'member,' and Sirius has been invited again as well. I told him if he goes, I will. He said not in a million years. I thanked him.

James announced yesterday that the animegus potion was almost finished. About time, too. It's been brewing for a whole year! I can't wait to see what our animal forms will be!

Peter got hit with a pox jinx on Wednesday. He's still in the hospital wing. Bertie Stevens, the douche from Hufflepuff who threw the curse, was punished severely, of course. By both Professor M AND James and Sirius. That's the best part about being friends with them. They look out for you. They're obviously closer to each other than they are to any of us. But that's alright, I think. Remus and I are closer than we are with any of them, and Peter…I wonder about Peter sometimes. When I'm off with Remus, and Sirius and James are off together…where does he go? Sirius thinks he goes back to their room and…actually, never mind.

Sirius, James and I went and pulled that prank on the Slytherin cousin, by the way. It was loads of fun. The look on her face was amazing! Classic! James wants to do Snape next. Reckons he'll look nice in a slinky cocktail dress. I almost gagged when he told me that! I think I may have to exclude myself from this particular joke…just the thought of Snivellus in a dress makes me nauseous. Plus, Lily would never speak to me again if she found out I was going to take part in it. I reminded this to James – that Snape is her friend and she'll be extremely angry with him for sticking her friend in a slinky dress – but I think that may have only fueled his fire. I'm not quite sure what he's playing at with Lily. Sirius reckons neither does James…


	3. Chapter 3

Sept 10th

Quidditch tryouts were yesterday! Since James is captain and I'm his friend (not to mention an outstanding Chaser!) I obviously got a spot on the team. Molly Hartwell quit last year, so we had to find a new Keeper. We're still looking…James is so popular that most of the girls who showed up for tryouts just wanted to get a closer look at him. I teased him about it, of course. I think he likes being the object of girl's fantasies, though…he reckons he gives them nice dreams.

I also found out today that Sirius shagged Susan Bones last June, and somehow he managed to forget to tell me about it! I dunno what's more shocking, the fact that he got his first shag in his fourth year, or the fact that it was with a seventh year girl! And it's not like Susan was a whore or anything, either. Except now, I guess she is…because Sirius says that their relationship wasn't really much on any emotional level. Mostly they just…you know, had sex. Does that make Sirius a manwhore?

Apparently the reason I missed out on knowing about the Susan-thing sooner was because I was gone all summer! Because apparently everybody else knew! EVERYBODY! Not just the boys, but it seems like the whole school knows. Thanks Sirius, for telling me, you know, right away. You're a great pal. Though this does clear up why there's suddenly twice the amount of girls hanging around him. Really, between him and James, they could start their own Rockette troupe.

OH! And to top off the excitement of these last three days, Melanie sent me a huge box of chocolate frogs this morning! It pays to have an older sister who's fiancée manages a sweet-shop.


	4. Chapter 4

Sept 20th

I'm so overcome with homework, it's not even funny! We have to take O.W.L.'s at the end of the school year, obviously, but I didn't know that meant having to write two-foot essays explaining the theory behind cheering charms! I mean, really, who comes up with this stuff?

I must be talking out loud as I write again, 'cause Lily just answered my question. She said Professor Flitwick does. Thanks, smartass.

Remus is insane. I reckon he actually enjoys doing this work. Great, so I love a gay man who is also a nerd. Except, I already knew about the nerd part, and that's one of the reasons I love him, so I can't really complain. I will complain about him being gay, though. Not that I really do know for sure if he's gay, but ever since Lily brought it up, it's seeming more and more likely. I really want to know, but you can't just ask a person something like that, can you?

Lily says yes, you can.

But it still seems awkward to go "hey Moony, do you have wet dreams about men?" I mean…I dunno, I probably wouldn't phrase it exactly like that, but any way I say it, that's really how it's going to be received.

I dunno. I tried to bring it up to Peter today, but his face got white as soon as I said the word "homosexual." Figures he's one of *those* people. Thank God I'm not one of *those* people. I have to say, it makes me respect Peter a little bit less now…to be honest, I'm not quite sure why I'm friends with him…I'll have to look into that. I know James and Sirius like him because he worships them, and for all I know, Remus might have a mancrush on him…but to be honest, if it weren't for our mutual friends, I doubt I'd ever really talk to Peter. Clearly I don't hang around him much because I rarely write about him…he's not all that interesting anyways.

Well, I suppose I should go work on that essay now. Damn, if I could write essays like I write these journal entries, I'd get O's on every single one of my O.W.L.'s.


	5. Chapter 5

Sept 25th

So I asked Remus today if he was gay. Not quite as up-front as that, but…I asked him….

Me: "Remus…I need to ask you something…but you have to promise not to freak out or get offended or anything."

Remus: "Erm. Alright?"

Me: "Okay, so…I've…heard…from…well, actually, Lily and I were talking and…I was…she thinks you're gay."

(This is the part where Remus burst into a fit of uncontrollable laughter.)

Remus: "Hahaha! Oh, Payson…no, I'm not gay. I am ninety-nine percent sure I like women."

Me: (after a huge sigh of relief) "Oh, alright. Sorry…Lily just thought…cause you don't seem to notice girls. Especially the ones who…I dunno, really make it obvious that they like you…"

Remus: "Well…I don't notice any other girls…because I only notice one."

(This is the part where my heart broke)

Me: (trying not to commit seppuku right then and there) "Oh?"

Remus: "Yeah…"

And then I left so that he couldn't hear the rest of my heart shattering into a million little pieces. I have about a million questions running through my head right now. Who is this girl? Why hasn't Remus told me about her? Is she prettier than me? Is she smarter? Do I know her? Does she go to Hogwarts? She must not…I would have noticed something. Maybe she's a Muggle. That could be really dangerous, given his condition…who am I kidding? Any relationship with a werewolf is dangerous, witch or not. Is she prettier than me?

I do know one thing though. I liked it better when he was gay.


	6. Chapter 6

Oct 3

I'm still finding it hard to cope with heartbreak. I haven't spoken to Remus now in almost a week. I can't bring myself to face him. It hurts just to think about him - to write about him! How will I be able to actually speak to him?

Sirius says he's getting worried. I almost ended up telling him what had happened, but then I'd have had to admit to him that I'm in love with Remus. I'm not sure why, but I don't want any of them to know. They're really close with Remus, and I guess I'm worried they'll say something to him.

Lily knows, though, of course. When I returned to our room that night, she let me cry. She's a good friend...James doesn't have a chance.

Maybe I'll go out with James...I mean, we do have a lot in common. We're both in love with people who won't give us a second glance, we're both good Quidditch players...and once you get past how disgusting it would be to kiss him...no, never mind. I just threw up a bit in my mouth when I thought of that. He's like my brother...except, I'm sure my brother wouldn't be white... Unless mum adopted him or something.

I think I'm annoying him, though. Him and Sirius both, actually. Since I can't spend time with Remus, and Lily spends a good portion of her time talking to Snape, I've been hanging around James and Sirius quite a lot, recently. A lot more than I usually do. I know they love me and all that, but I'm pretty sure I'm beginning to bother them. I suppose I could actually focus on homework instead, for once, but...I don't...want to. We just got a new Keeper for the team - finally. Renne Douglas. She's a fourth-year, and is actually a really decent player. And she doesn't seem to want to be on the team because of some obsessive attraction to James, so she may actually do well. Maybe I'll try to get to know her. Perhaps she might even understand the difficulties of a heartbreak.


	7. Chapter 7

Oct 9

James is the spawn of Satan. I'm convinced. He's started this new 'training routine' that for some reason involves waking up at six a.m. every morning for Quidditch practice. And then he yells at us for not playing well. I mean, really, who does anything well when they're half asleep? And WHO'S fault is it that we're half asleep? The bloke who woke us all up!

I could kill him. I told Sirius yesterday that I'm plotting my revenge. He volunteered to help. So now we're working on some type of revenge plan...I'm not sure what...we're going down to Hogsmeade today, so maybe we'll find something at Zonko's. I also want to stop by Honeydukes and see if Eric's there. I was going to tell Melanie about the Hogsmeade trip, but then figured it would be so much more fun to surprise her. Over the sumer, Eric would always work on Saturday afternoons, and Melanie would usually go in to visit him on his lunch break. Hopefully if I'm lucky I'll be able to catch them both today.

Peter wants to stop by the Three Broomsticks. It's so embarassing to go with him though, because all he ever does is drool over the owner's daughter, Miriam Rosemerta. I think she's about nineteen or so...either way, she's much too pretty for Peter, and it's a bit creepy how he just stares at her the whole time. Sirius flirts with her, though, and what's funny is that she'll actually give him the time of day. I teased him about having a thing for older women...he didn't object...


	8. Chapter 8

Oct 19

We finally pulled that prank this morning. Oh, revenge is sweet. James probably hates me now...and Sirius...and Renee and the rest of the team too, since they were in on it, too. When we went to Zonko's last week, we found this special kind of itching powder. It somehow taps into your brain and finds out which of the most embarassing itching postitions would horrify a particular person the most. Sirius put the powder all over Jame's Quidditch gear last night, and we made sure to invite a lot of people to come watch out practice the next morning. I even convinced Lily to come, as a nice topper. I think that's what he's most mad about. We were bloody brilliant, and really there was no harm done...James wouldn't have a reason to have a problem with that. I think he's just peeved that Lily was there to see it all. Oh well. That was for depriving me of sleep.

Also, Sirius told me a few days ago that he somehow managed to get a date with the Rosemerta girl. I wasn't too surprised. She was all over him when we were in her father's pub last week. Peter isn't all too happy. Currently, since both Peter and James are angry with Sirius and I, and I'm still not talking to Remus, we've split into two odd groups. Peter, James, and Remus are one, and then me and Sirius...it's a bit funny to see how split up we are. Sirius and I agreed that we'd apologize to James tomorrow, and then everything'll fall back into place. Peter will get over himself in a matter of hours, and Remus...Lily reckons I should just get over it. To be honest, I want to. I was being stupid before, and I can't stand having to avoid him. But how can I just go back to being friends with him again? I've been giving him the cold shoulder for so long...I dunno. I'll think of something.


	9. Chapter 9

Oct 25

My life is almost totally revolving around Quidditch now. Only a few weeks until our first game, and James is determined to win. And not just win, but he wants to win by a lot. He wants to destroy Slytherin. I worry about him sometimes...I mean, obviously some of this determination is angled toward beating Severus's house. But Snape isn't even on their team! Sirius reckons it's also him wanting to show off for Lily, which is funny since Lily thinks James being the captain of the team makes him a pompus freak. The only reason she's going to watch the game at all, she says, is to support me. But at least she's coming, right?

I still haven't thought of a way to reconnect with Remus. I miss him so much. I managed to smile at him today...he looked a bit taken aback. See? If I started actually talking to him, he might die of shock. And then I'd die because he did.

I can't wait for Halloween. No classes, a trip to Hogsmeade, and then a feast. It'll be amazing. I love food. James is always teasing me about getting fat, but I told him even if that does happen, I will be the happiest fat person in the world. The only thing that would really suck is that my broom might not be able to hold me...and it's a really nice one, too. A new Shooting Star model that was just released last year. I'd be so upset if I wasn't able to ride it. I love flying.

On our last trip to Hogsmeade, I did manage to surprise Melanie. I walked in on her and Eric having a major snogfest... Wasn't exctly the most comfortable moment in the world. Anyways, so this time, Melanie and I are actually arranging to meet at the Three Broomsticks, which ironically is where Sirius is planning on meeting his girlfriend. He's snuck out to see her a few times before - using James' invisibility cloak, of course. He says he really likes her, and apparently they haven't gotten too physical yet. He says Miriam isn't into the shag-only relationships. I said that's probably a good thing.


	10. Chapter 10

Oct 31

James surprised us today. He announced at breakfast that the animegus potion is finished. He and Remus have completed all the spellwork, and the potion has finished brewing. We can drink it tonight. I'm so excited! And at the same time, I'm not sure if I deserve it. We are doing this for Remus, after all...and if I'm not talking to him...There was a full moon last night, and I felt so terirble that I didn't go comfort him after he came back. I used to wait for him under James's cloak, and talk to him while he cried before walking him up to the hospital wing...Sirius said he went down to meet him this morning on his way back from meeting Miriam.

But anyways, my point is that I haven't been the greatest friend lately, and I feel really bad about taking the potion. I managed to say a few words to him later this morning...he looked at me, though, like...I know I did something wrong by not going to comfort him. I know that. I'm so scared now. He must hate me.


	11. Chapter 11

Nov 2

I. Feel. Like. Crap. Changing into an animgeus must be doing shit to my immune system, because I think for the first time in my life, I'm...sick. I must have gotten the flu from somewhere. I think I have a fever (103 is a fever, right?) and I've been vommitting since yesterday. James, Sirius, and Peter aren't doing very well either.

Also for the past two nights, I've woken to find feathers in my bed...some are a light reddish-tan, and others are dark brown...I haven't been able to change during the day yet. But I'm hoping these feathers mean I'm taking whatever animal form I've gotten overnight.


	12. Chapter 12

Nov 8

Been feeling a little better. Anyways, James says sick or not, we need to get back to the Quidditch practices. Our first game is in ten days. I hope I'm back to normal by then.

I've been able to change at will now. It still happens some nights when I'm sleeping, but for the most part I've been able to change entirely by myself. And I've found out what my animal form is. I'm a hawk of some sort. According to James, I've got a reddish-tan chest, brown wings, and white in all the other places. Sirius is getting a kick out of it - calling me "pretty birdie" every time he sees me. His form is a large black dog. He actually is almost...cute...when he's a dog. James takes the shape of a magnificent stag. He has the most amazing set of antlers...he takes my breath away every time he changes. And then of course when he turns back, he's my disgusting brother-figure again. Oh, and Peter can turn into a rat.

James wants to go out as soon as the next full moon comes around. After all, the whole point to doing this is so that Remus won't have to be alone when he goes wolf. I just hope it's easier to be around him when we're both animals.


	13. Chapter 13

Nov 18

GO GO GRYFFINDOR! GO GO GRYFFINDOR! That's still echoing in my head. It was all I could hear today during the match. We won today! I think the only person who's happier about it than me is James. Renee was an amazing Keeper. She stopped everything that flew her way - it was fantastic! James managed to stall the other Seeker until we had scored about a hundred points - his plan, of course. He says it's going to help us in the long run. But then as soon as we hit one hundred, the snitch was in his hands! I don't say this a lot, but James Potter is incredible. I almost couldn't blame all those girls for swooning over him after the game. I think if I didn't know him so well, I would've been swooning, too. Even Lily said he had made some nice saves - she actually told him that to his face! Made him pretty happy.

So after the game, we had a party in the common room, and...somehow I managed to reconcile with Remus. We were just sort of hanging out away from the crowd, and I asked him if we could go talk somewhere for a while. It sort of went like this:

Remus: "That was a great game, huh?"

Me: "Yeah...It was all James's work. Who knew he was such a strategist?"

Remus: (gives a small chuckle)

Me: "Moony...I miss you..."

Remus: "I'm not gone, Payson. I've been here the whole time."

Me: "I know. But I haven't. I'm sorry...I was angry with you, and then after I got over that...Remus, I'm so terrible! I wanted to talk to you...to tell you I was sorry, but I was worried you were mad at me. I couldn't figure out how to be friends again..."

Remus: "Why were you mad at me?"

Me: "It doesn't matter. Just...I'm sorry. For everything. Especially not going down to meet you on Halloween morning...I feel terrible about that."

Remus: "It's alright."

Me: "No, it isn't. I love you, and I really shouldn't have acted the way I did. It was stupid of me."

Remus: "I love you too, Payson...which is why it's okay. Really, I'm not mad at you, I promise. As long as you're not still mad at me...?"

(This is the part where I hugged him)

Soo, yeah. We're good now. And...he loves me! Though I know he only meant it "as a friend," it's still something, right? We didn't talk about the girl he likes (loves? I really hope not!), I figured it was probably a good idea to just stay off that subject. But we're friends again! I just hope that it won't be too hard for us to go all the way back to normal...


	14. Chapter 14

Nov 23

Everything's been going pretty well. We're working on plotting our first full-moon trip. Remus is worried, though. He says he's not really himself when he's a wolf. He's worried he'll hurt one of us. But James pointed out that the whole point in us becoming animegi was so that we would be able to be with Remus without having worry about him hurting us, since werewolves only attack humans. We're all pretty excited about it. Even Remus, who is admittedly happy to not have to go through this alone anymore.

We're worried how we'll get out of the castle, though. James said we could sneak out under his cloak, but that's four of us that'll be trying to hide under it...Peter and I have pretty small animal forms, though, so maybe if we're transformed while under the cloak, we'll all be able to fit.

Remus and I are hanging out together – almost inseparable, just like we used to be. I missed him. I didn't realize how much I had missed him until I got him back. Now I notice all the little things he does that I had missed – like how he'll brush his hair out of his eyes whenever he's trying to remember something, and how he'll start drawing on himself with his quill if I interrupt him from doing homework. There's so many reasons I love him...and though I really wish he knew just how in love with him I am, I'm just glad to be friends with him again. It's better to have something than to have nothing at all.

Sirius told me yesterday how he's finally managed to get into Miriam's pants. I couldn't believe it. I made him spare me the gory details though. He agreed, as long as I promised not to tell Peter. I think he's still mad at Sirius for going out with Miriam in the first place. Sirius thinks so too, and he says Peter may just kill him if he found out exactly how far he had gotten with her.


	15. Chapter 15

Nov 28

There was a full moon last night. I still haven't gone to bed...it's around five in the morning, I think. I'm too excited to go to sleep right now. I'll probably just take a nap later today. It's a Saturday, so it's not too huge of deal.

Last night was amazing. We snuck out around 9:30 under the cloak. When we got to the Whomping Willow, which is where Remus goes to change, Peter climbed up the trunk and hit this little knob that disables the Willow. When it stopped, we went into this little tunnel that Remus says leads to the shrieking shack. We got to the shack, and Remus...oh, Remus...I had never seen him when he's changed. I would have cried if I was human, but by then we had all transformed into animals so that it wouldn't be a risk to be around him. But we was... He looked like an oversized wolf, with longer limbs and a shorter snout. His claws were huge, and his eyes... They were green. Usually they're blue. I think that's what scared me the most, is how he didn't look like himself at all.

But he acted enough like himself, I suppose. We sat around in the shack, and I took turns perching on Remus and Sirius's shoulders, and then flying over James's antlers. Peter...left for a while. I think he was scared of Remus, and it took him a while to get over that. Sirius and Remus had a few wrestling matches, since they're the closest in size. We stayed with him until he changed back into himself. That was the most painful part to watch. The way he screamed...over and over again... As soon as he was human, I'd rushed over to hold him. He shook for a few minutes...and then he was alright.

As we were walking back, he thanked us. (And he looked directly at me as he said it!) He said it was so much better this time to have us there. He said the pain was a lot easier to get through...

What does it mean when you love someone despite all their imperfections? That you think they're perfect, because they aren't? It tore me up inside to watch Remus go through the pain of that transformation...but I'll be there for him whenever he needs me.


	16. Chapter 16

Dec 2

Yesterday all of the Hogwarts staff started working on decorating the school for Christmas. Now every inch of the place is covered in strands of holly, ribbons, tinsel, wreaths, and a gigantic tree that sits in the Great Hall. We don't do manger scenes or anything suggestive like that since not everyone here celebrates Christmas, but it's tradition to have the school looking festive for the holidays.

Mum is going to be in Japan for Christmas, but says she'll be back in time for New Years. I do love having a famous mother...I mean, I'm glad she's successful in her career, but...the traveling gets annoying sometimes. Like that year she missed my birthday because she was touring the Bahamas. This is the second time she's had to miss Christmas...last time wasn't too bad, though, so hopefully it won't be this year, either.

Anyways, so until she gets home, I'm planning on staying at Eric and Mel's flat in London. I've already promised them that I'll be out of the house enough to give them their space. I'll be spending a lot of my break at James's, because he lives just a few blocks away from Melanie and Eric. Remus and Sirius have agreed to come by a lot too, of course. Peter's going to be spending his holiday in Scotland, visiting with his aunt, so we won't see him until we get back to school.

I'm still trying to decide on what to get Remus for Christmas. Lily suggested I kiss him. Yeah, right. I mean, not that I wouldn't like to, because I really really would. But...I can't. He doesn't like me like that. He likes some other girl, whoever she is...I still haven't brought it up yet – to save myself the pain of hearing about her. I wonder if he'll be visiting with her over the holidays...I hope not. I hope she goes to like, Austria or something...and gets murdered on the way back.

Okay. That was mean.

Probably I don't really want her to die. For all I know, she could be a really nice person...and really, nobody can blame her for loving Remus... But still. I'd rather her be gone for the holidays. The less Remus sees her, the better for me.


	17. Chapter 17

Dec 17

We have midterms today. I've been studying like crazy, but I doubt I'll get any fantastic grades in anything besides Charms. Charms is my strong point...probably because I'm so...charming, hehe.

Sorry, that was really stupid. But I'm tired. I was up all night doing homework and study guides, and then stupid James woke us all up early for 'one last practice before the winter holiday'. I hate him so much rigt noow...soooo mcuhh...

Oh crap, I totally just fell asleep there. Ugh. I need to fit in a minor study session before my last exam – Muggle studies – in thirty minutes...it should be pretty easy. It's a simple subject. I like it best because usually I can just sleep through the class and still manage to do the homework just fine. Except, I can't sleep through the test today...I'll probably crash really early tonight. Maybe I'll skip dinner, too.

Going home tomorrow!


	18. Chapter 18

Dec 21

I've been home now for a few days, and I'm loving it. Eric and Melanie's flat is the cutest place. I'm crashing on their couch until they can work a temporary undetectable extension charm to get me my own room. I've asked them to please hurry up about it because quite frankly, I'd like to be able to close a door when their bed starts creaking in the middle of the night. I know they do it, obviously, but really, I don't need to hear it.

I just got back from hanging out with James today. It was interesting... See, because first, he asked if Lily was seeing anyone. I told him, not that I knew of. Then I worked up the guts to ask him if he knew if Remus was seeing anyone...and then he gave me this really weird look. Like "are you a moron or something?" So I asked him what that was about, but he didn't have time to say much because Sirius walked through the door then. And he joined our conversation and because I was feeling ballsy, I decided to repeat my question – see if I could get a straight-up answer. After exchanging a few looks with James (ugh! They SO know something I don't!), he said no, Remus isn't seeing anyone. So then I asked him if he knew if Remus was interested in a girl. And then he and James got these stupid little grins on their faces, like "ohh we're so clever!" I hate those stupid little grins. But he said yes, he does. And I asked who, and James explained that they had both been sworn to secrecy and so if I wanted to know who, I'd have to ask Remus myself. (Which makes me wonder – if he's told James and Sirius all about her...why hasn't he told me?) I did manage to get one last bit on information from them, though. She isn't a Muggle. Whoever this girl is, she goes to Hogwarts. Which only makes my curiosity burn more...

I wish I could find out who she is. If she goes to Hogwarts, there's a strong possibility that I might know her. But I'm worried to ask Remus...what if he tells me, and I find out she's too much to compete with? What then? I suppose at the end of the day, he is my best friend, and I really want is for him to be happy...I just wish that could include me being happy, too.


End file.
